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hexaflexagons2021-10-19 12:44 am
[psl] p90 twin resolution
Back when getting home still felt like a distant dream, she thought she'd leave.
She thought she'd hop on the first ship out of there, put distance between her and the other Freelancers. She'd caused them all more harm than she'd done good and really, why would they want her around? They hadn't ever really been friends, not even in the earliest days of the Project when she hadn't gone off the fucking rails, so who would care if she bailed? Wouldn't it be better for her and for them (wouldn't it save North the trouble of trying to forgive her every day when she knew it was an exercise in futility?) if she just— bailed, found a home on the first distant colony her feet touched down on?
But then Wash and Carolina... asked her to stay.
Not just stay, join them on Blue Team. She didn't get it. She didn't understand why they'd offer her that kind of fucking second chance, but— well, apparently that was a trend? Hell, maybe not feeling like you deserved it was a fucking condition of being taken in! All she knew was that she went from feeling like she had nowhere to fucking go, to suddenly having an offer she couldn't find it in her to refuse, and that became her life. Living with fucking simulation troopers and a few ex-freelancers, playing capture the flag and dealing with the daily nonsense and...
It isn't... bad? It's just... weird. It's like nothing she's ever experienced before. Nothing like Freelancer, nothing like the marines, nothing like her youth. The sim troopers, all assholes themselves, push back against her bullshit with a scary kind of ease and they don't really give a fuck what she's done—apparently, not terrorizing them specifically kinda goes in her favour—and turns out it's really hard to sit and mope when you're living surrounded by that kind of chaos.
(Not that she doesn't have her moments, but give her a break, she's got some self-hatred to work through, okay?)
So things are... okay. Better than she expected, really. In a strange sort of way she's... got a life, a life of her own, and it's not exactly what she imagined for herself, but it works out. Everything works out.
Except for the gaping, empty space in her life where her brother used to be, always there even when she's not actively thinking about it.
He keeps his word and so he keeps his distance. She doesn't expect that to change. She doesn't expect him to forgive her, no matter how much time he gives himself. There are lines that can never be un-crossed and she leapt so far over them it'd be impressive if it wasn't so goddamned terrible. So she tries not to think about him, sticks to her side of the bargain and gives him space. Only gets her updates on how he's doing from York, and they're doing alright. He's doing alright.
But fuck if she doesn't miss him.
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"Yeah, that's— that's a real concern around here." She takes it, staring for a long second, then puts it around her neck and stands so she can drag him into another tight hug.
"...thank you. Fuck, Drew, you didn't..." He didn't have to, him forgiving her is more than she ever expecting let alone coming bearing gifts like this, but she's grateful for all of it.
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"I didn't have to, I know. I did it because I haven't been in your life for so long." He has birthdays and holidays to make up for.
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"And I haven't even got a single thing for you," she jokes. She squeezes him as tight as she can, burying her face in his shoulder. Mumbles, muffled, "God I've missed you so much..."
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She stands there just holding onto him without saying anything else for a long moment, before lifting her head. "You're staying at least a couple fuckin' days. We gotta catch up. And when you leave, fuckin— video calls. And visits."
When, not if, because she doesn't want to push anything. She'd love them to come live closer by, in New Armonia if not with them so they can choose how much space they both need, but she'll leave that up to him.
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"We don't have to leave, do we, York?"
"Nah," York says. "This is as good a home base as any other place."
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South's eyes light up and she grins, again, giving him one more big, borderline crushing squeeze. "Even better."
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"We need to make up for lost time."
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"We do. Fuck, we do. So much." She has to wipe her eyes a bit when she leans back again, and they're still glistening a little. At least all these tears have been happy tears. "You're not allowed to tell the sim troopers any fuckin' embarrassing stories, by the way. They do not need new fuckin' ammo."
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"I'll try to keep myself in check" is what he does say.
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She absolutely notes the difference from what she'd expect, and smiles, "Thank you."
She grabs his hand to give it a single quick squeeze before dropping it again.
"Okay, I was serious about needing to hide the alcohol and I should probably put the other stuff in my room too but— then we should probably actually let the others know you've shown your faces."
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She puts the ball away and tucks the guitar somewhere safe before coming back, leaning against the wall. "You wanna hunt 'em down over at Red base or should I just radio 'em?"