hexaflexagons | [psl] Church/Tex Relationship Healing

Tex knocks on his door. She doesn't hesitate to do so when she arrives, though part of her is sure this is going to go badly.

Maybe it should.

When he opens the door, her arms are crossed, one hip jutting out, and she's gazing off to the side.

For the record, he doesn't want to do this. Not now. He's hurt and angry and it's still raw, but she'd thrown the gauntlet down and he doesn't feel as though he has a choice.

When she knocks, he pauses for a moment before opening the door. He barely looks at her before leaving the door wide open and returning to his seat at the table and the beer waiting for him. It's his second, so he not drunk but god he almost wishes he were.

it wouldn't make this any easier, but he wouldn't feel it as sharply.

Her head turns toward the opening of the door when she realizes he's not so much as inviting her in.

"God, Leonard, really?"

Yup, really. She watches him sit down at the table, sighs with exasperation, and comes inside and shuts the door. She supposes he expects her to sit down across from him. Which is why she remains standing, leaning one hip against the edge of the table at the adjacent side from where he's sitting. Her arms are once again crossed.

"Yeah, really." He scowls up at her. "What the fuck did you expect me to do? Welcome you with open arms?"

How many times had he done just that after she'd cheated on him? Well, not this time. She can stand there as haughty and disapproving as she wants... he honestly doesn't give a fuck if she sits down or not. He wants to sit because if he doesn't he's going to pace. As it is, his fingers are drumming against the bottle in front of him.

Something really is different about this time. She frowns more heavily than she had already been. There's a sign that she's thinking about how to respond, as her lower jaw works for a moment before she speaks.

"I guess I really went and fucked things up, huh?"

The words are quieter than she meant for them to be. She clears her throat and turns her head again.

He wants to tell her that 'yeah, she did', instead he sighs and takes a drink.

"I just..." He stops and takes another quick swig and swallows thickly. More to keep his voice from cracking and betraying him than because he's thirsty. "I just wish I knew why."

Not some bullshit excuse either. Because, it's always some excuse or another. He knows he's not a saint, he's an asshole when he gets a hair across his ass, but...

"I'm right here, thinking you're gone and... Why can't I be enough?"

If only conversations like this didn't make her heart pound, didn't make her feel like running into the night and never coming back. She loves him, she really does, but she even told him during their conversation she didn't want to have to say so.

She uncrosses her arms, at least, sets one hand with her fingertips touching the tabletop. Her other hand goes unconsciously to her chest for a moment before she drops her hand.

"I want you to be. I do."

Why can't she settle for that? Why does the very idea scare the shit out of her? Why? Because being wanted like that means she has to stop being free?

"I just...I don't..."

She moves her hand over to touch his arm, lightly.

"It's like...one day I'll prove that I'm right that you shouldn't forgive me."

Sometimes a person makes an admission that they don't realize is so completely right and true until it comes out of their mouth, and it takes them by surprise. Take them so by surprise that even though a person like Tex doesn't ever, ever cry, her voice will quaver on the last word of the sentence like she's about to burst into tears.

She turns her back to the table, gripping its edge with both hands behind her, her head bowed slightly.

It's not until she touches him that he truly looks at her. It's such a simple gesture, but coming from her in this moment it's a meaningful one.

"Do you want to be right? Because, I don't want you to be."

Truthfully, she'd come close to proving herself right, there were times it was so damned hard to forgive her. He didn't like the way his jealousy made him feel and act. Possessive, petty, heartsick... sometimes he wondered why he kept doing it. And then there were moments like this, where she let herself be vulnerable in ways that he knew she would never be with anyone else. These moments are the ones where he knows she loves him, more than saying any three words could. It's what gives him hope that things could change for the better.

"I've never expected you to be perfect, Allison. But... fuck it hurts sometimes." He sniffs and finishes off his beer.

She's no longer facing him so she has to trust he sees her shake her head in response to his question.

She doesn't turn when he speaks again either. She's fighting those tears with everything she has and she's not sure that if she looks at him that they won't just break forth on their own.

He doesn't want to make her cry, he really doesn't. He can't lie and say that it doesn't sometimes provide some catharsis to know she's hurting as much as he is... but this isn't one of those times. Hearing her finally give voice to some of what's behind it all has knocked any of that desire out of him. Instead he listens her struggle with her own feelings, the way her breathing struggles to stay steady and he slowly stands up.

"Hey," His voice is soft, a reflection of both his own emotional exhaustion and his concern for her. "Did you mean it? What you said about trying to do better? Did you really mean it this time?"

Because as much as he hates it, he's not sure he can trust her. And he desperately wants to trust her.

She unbows her head and slowly turns toward him. Her eyes are shining with tears, but she clears her throat and manages to speak with a clear voice.

"I want to," she says. Not that she believes she deserves the chance. Any elaboration on that is not to be forthcoming—speaking those words without sounding choked up had been hard enough.

"Right." He looks away for just a moment.

She's not the only one with their pride at stake and he clears his throat before looking back at her. Not that he feels like he can stake a claim to having much pride at times like this.

"So..." He scrubs a hand through his hair, as if somehow it would banish the tangle of emotions so he can approach this in a more logical way. "You're leaving tomorrow. For six months..."

Six months is a long time to be apart. Not that he isn't used to it by now, but given the current circumstances. It's difficult.

"Yeah," she says. "The usual deployment schedule."

So help her if he asks her to defect, or something. They need more time to heal this, she knows, but he should also know that her career is important to her.

As if he would. He's under no delusions about which she would choose between her duty and himself. And he wouldn't want to force her into making it regardless.

"Which means, and yes I'm being an asshole, but honestly... I need to know you'll think about me, about us before you..."

He doesn't want to finish that thought. It feels terrible just saying that part he did. God he fucking hates saying shit like this, like it's inevitable that she's going to want to cheat on him. Like he's a jealous prick. But what else can he think right now?

He is jealous.

"You need to know?" she asks, in a tone slightly tinged with defensiveness. That barely comes through, though, since she's just barely avoided crying. What does he expect her to do? Keep his picture stapled to her forehead?

"Can you blame me?!" He can't keep his own tinge of hurt and irritation from his voice.

"Christ Tex, it's not like I want you to check in with me whenever you do anything!" He paced over to the fridge to get another drink. "I just want to you to actually stop and really think about US before you sleep around!"

He snatched two beers up before slamming the fridge door shut. He can't look at her, but takes a few breaths to calm down. When he returns, he holds out one of the beers to her.

It's not quite a peace offering, not quite a demonstration that he cares, but something vaguely in between.

She takes it, turning it in her hands contemplatively.

"I'll try," she says quietly. The thing is she didn't mean to not think of their relationship before something happened—it just kind of slipped her mind and she didn't try very hard to bring it back to the forefront. "I can only try."

"Because it's worked so well in the past." He grumbles bitterly. She's insisted she'd try before and he knows he can't ask anything more, but it's hard to not think of 'trying' as an empty promise. His shoulders slump and he sighs.

"I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm tired."
Between long hours split between work and classes and now this, he's physically and emotionally drained. He's always a special brand of asshole when he's like this... bitchy and cynical.

"I know you'll try, Allison. And I know it's not always going to be easy."

She nods, cracking the beer on the edge of the table and taking a drink. She pauses after swallowing it down. Church is looking at her and she drinks in the look of him, those green eyes, so pleading and so disappointed.

"I want to do right by you," she says. It's almost a whisper and she clears her throat. "I need to come up with...some way..."

She looks away, down and to the side.

"Hey," He reaches out to take her free hand in his. That was all the reassurance he needed right now to know she truly meant it this time. They're not quite magic words but it does lift some of the weight off of him.

"We'll figure something out." Both of them, as a team. She's always so hellbent on doing everything on her own... except for when she's out doing the soldier bit. "Even if it's something stupid... like messaging me when you're horny or whatever."

Which sounds kind of dumb and the exact sort of intrusive that she hates, now that he's said it. "Or, something."

Tex lets him take her hand, folding her fingers into his and drawing herself a little closer to him.

"Messaging you every time I'm horny?" she says, skeptically. "You mean whenever something would happen otherwise." It's an accusation, but it also...kind of makes sense. Which she hates.

"Or something. I didn't say it was a good idea. It was the first thing that came to mind." Look if wants a genius answer, she's going to have to wait. He doesn't exactly think his best thoughts when he's caught up in lots of feelings. Usually they're more of the 'epically idiotic' variety.

Still, he smiles warmly, encouraged by her hand in his. The fact she didn't outright reject the idea doesn't hurt either.

"But, it might help to actually talk about stuff. It doesn't have to be 'sex addict intervention' or anything like that." He tries to keep his tone lighter. He's mostly teasing with the 'sex addict' bit.

She snickers. His smile has changed the tenor of this conversation.

"You really think you've hit gold, don't you?" she teases. "All right. When I'm really, really tempted...I'll call you."

It's actually more than what he's asking for, but maybe it's the right way to go with this.

What she did still hurts, he doubts it'll stop hurting anytime soon. But it's also not an unfamiliar sort of pain and he's genuinely encouraged by her being honest with him. And he's a giant lovesick idiot who desperately wants things to work out. So...

"If it gets me another chance to talk to you? It's better than gold."

She lets out a little chuckle. She normally only calls once or twice a week. This is going to get him a lot more contact with her. She doesn't think he knows just how much this promise will change things, as far as that goes.

"You mean that?"

Post TFLN thread

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject