For the record, he doesn't want to do this. Not now. He's hurt and angry and it's still raw, but she'd thrown the gauntlet down and he doesn't feel as though he has a choice.
When she knocks, he pauses for a moment before opening the door. He barely looks at her before leaving the door wide open and returning to his seat at the table and the beer waiting for him. It's his second, so he not drunk but god he almost wishes he were.
it wouldn't make this any easier, but he wouldn't feel it as sharply.
Her head turns toward the opening of the door when she realizes he's not so much as inviting her in.
"God, Leonard, really?"
Yup, really. She watches him sit down at the table, sighs with exasperation, and comes inside and shuts the door. She supposes he expects her to sit down across from him. Which is why she remains standing, leaning one hip against the edge of the table at the adjacent side from where he's sitting. Her arms are once again crossed.
"Yeah, really." He scowls up at her. "What the fuck did you expect me to do? Welcome you with open arms?"
How many times had he done just that after she'd cheated on him? Well, not this time. She can stand there as haughty and disapproving as she wants... he honestly doesn't give a fuck if she sits down or not. He wants to sit because if he doesn't he's going to pace. As it is, his fingers are drumming against the bottle in front of him.
Something really is different about this time. She frowns more heavily than she had already been. There's a sign that she's thinking about how to respond, as her lower jaw works for a moment before she speaks.
"I guess I really went and fucked things up, huh?"
The words are quieter than she meant for them to be. She clears her throat and turns her head again.
He wants to tell her that 'yeah, she did', instead he sighs and takes a drink.
"I just..." He stops and takes another quick swig and swallows thickly. More to keep his voice from cracking and betraying him than because he's thirsty. "I just wish I knew why."
Not some bullshit excuse either. Because, it's always some excuse or another. He knows he's not a saint, he's an asshole when he gets a hair across his ass, but...
"I'm right here, thinking you're gone and... Why can't I be enough?"
If only conversations like this didn't make her heart pound, didn't make her feel like running into the night and never coming back. She loves him, she really does, but she even told him during their conversation she didn't want to have to say so.
She uncrosses her arms, at least, sets one hand with her fingertips touching the tabletop. Her other hand goes unconsciously to her chest for a moment before she drops her hand.
"I want you to be. I do."
Why can't she settle for that? Why does the very idea scare the shit out of her? Why? Because being wanted like that means she has to stop being free?
"I just...I don't..."
She moves her hand over to touch his arm, lightly.
"It's like...one day I'll prove that I'm right that you shouldn't forgive me."
Sometimes a person makes an admission that they don't realize is so completely right and true until it comes out of their mouth, and it takes them by surprise. Take them so by surprise that even though a person like Tex doesn't ever, ever cry, her voice will quaver on the last word of the sentence like she's about to burst into tears.
She turns her back to the table, gripping its edge with both hands behind her, her head bowed slightly.
It's not until she touches him that he truly looks at her. It's such a simple gesture, but coming from her in this moment it's a meaningful one.
"Do you want to be right? Because, I don't want you to be."
Truthfully, she'd come close to proving herself right, there were times it was so damned hard to forgive her. He didn't like the way his jealousy made him feel and act. Possessive, petty, heartsick... sometimes he wondered why he kept doing it. And then there were moments like this, where she let herself be vulnerable in ways that he knew she would never be with anyone else. These moments are the ones where he knows she loves him, more than saying any three words could. It's what gives him hope that things could change for the better.
"I've never expected you to be perfect, Allison. But... fuck it hurts sometimes." He sniffs and finishes off his beer.
She had left, as she always left, with a simple kiss, a squeeze of his hand, and a "see you later" (never 'goodbye', she'd never say goodbye). Traveling to her deployment location always took a full 24 hours, and she took the next 24 or so to settle in on her ship.
On the third day, she kept her regular duty schedule, working out as needed and preparing to be sent into the field when ordered. Thankfully, her ship was not typically directly on the front lines, so she didn't have to try too hard. Just be ready.
That evening, at dinner, she took her tray to her usual spot and began to eat. She was not thinking too hard about anything, just drifting along with the socializing and the laughter, when someone pushed in to sit next to her. The tray was set down on the table, and then the man who she had been dreading seeing settled in beside her.
It was Harvey. Michael Harvey. Someone who, she knew, would be expecting certain things with her to be possible. They had an easy friends-with-benefits type relationship and Tex knew he was going to be disappointed when she told him about her new restrictions.
She didn't let on that anything unusual was happening until the others at their table left. That's when she dropped the bomb on him—no more make-out sessions, no more sex, and really, no more flirting at all, since she'd find it tempting. They needed to drop back to a general friendship.
Mike was a good guy, but he didn't like the news that he was losing a sexual partner. He left in an angry huff, leaving Tex hurt and angry herself. Unfortunately, having him sitting right beside her like that had led to her feeling horny, as well. He'd been pressed right next to her and had even draped a hand into her lap.
It was late when Texas decided to contact Leonard. Not too late for him, though, since their times were so disparate. If her calculations were right, it was actually just before work for him. Maybe he'd be able to take a little time off to talk to her.
While separating got easier each time, this time was complicated by everything that happened beforehand. As much as he'd tried, he hadn't been able to fully shake the residual stress from the fight. He really really wanted to believe that this time would be different. That she finally had gotten it.
So, he was doing whatever he could to keep busy and not give himself too much time to dwell on the 'what ifs'. At this point it was out of his hands and he didn't gain anything by being paranoid and jealous. They both deserved better than that, but especially her.
The beeping of the incoming message sounds just as he's getting ready to head out the door. He had planned to swing by and grab a coffee that didn't taste like ass on his way to work, so he's tempted to ignore it. But then, he doesn't exactly get many calls from random strangers. Church rolls his eyes with a sigh and goes to take the call and tell them to call back at a better time.
"Look, I don't have a lot of... Allison? Hi!"
His face goes from vaguely annoyed to surprised to happy over a few seconds. The idea that she'd call him this early totally didn't occur to him. It just doesn't happen.
"Is everything okay?"
Not that he wanted to jump to something being wrong, but yeah. She never calls this soon.
She has to roll her eyes when she hears his tone when he first gets on the line. Why hadn't he assumed it was her in just this kind of situation? she wonders. But then again, maybe he'd truly never considered that she was as free with her body as she really has been. But it was an open secret between them—of course she was not as committed before this as he had been. He knew that much.
At his question, she lets out a little scoff.
"Of course it's okay," she says. "I'm just...doing what I said I would. You know."
"Oh." It takes a second for it to click. Because no, it isn't the fist thing that pops into his head. "Oh. Okay."
Of course he knows she enjoys sex... like, a lot. Obviously, he's totally cool with that. And yeah, he knows she's not exactly faithful and obviously, he's far less cool with that. But yeah, he tries not to think about the frequency.
"Soo... how can I help?" A faint smirk pulls at one corner of his mouth. They hadn't actually planned things out that far. That might have been an oversight on his part.
"If you mean that, there's only about one way, from here, isn't there?"
Something they haven't really done before. She hasn't called for that purpose before. She always just finds a friend-with-benefits to shag. She reaches down and fidgets, pulling threads on the blanket.
"And if you don't mean it I guess I don't know why else you asked me to call."
True to her word, Tex had followed up on calling whenever she'd been tempted to be unfaithful. Which was a lot more often than Church had probably been expecting. She's ended up calling somewhere between every day and every third day—a lot more calls home than she'd ever engaged in before this particular deployment.
She's had her struggles, of course. Michael Harvey had still kept himself available, which made it hard for her to ignore his advances. But on this day, she'd managed to make the arrangements to have the item they'd discussed smuggled onto the ship, and it had arrived swiftly. She found the package under her bed, just as she had arranged for, and made the rounds to pay everyone who'd helped her a tip of alcohol. She'd paid for the item and the courier service up front, of course, with money, but it was always good to keep your helpers happy.
The schedule on her ship was still such that when it was bedtime for her, it was morning for Church, which meant that if she wanted to catch him on his way to bed, she had to call around lunchtime. This was fine with her. She entered her barracks instead of going to eat, locked the door, and took off her pants before dialing him up. It had only been a day since her last call, but she knew that'd be fine with him, considering what they were about to do. Hopefully he had received the portion of the toy she had had shipped to his house by now—the portion that controlled her side of things.
Leonard sat on the edge of the bed and turned the remote control over in his hands. When they'd made this deal, he'd joked about it being 'sex addicts anonymous' but he really had no idea how often this was going to become. Not that he minded; he loved getting to talk to her... even if they didn't do a hell of a lot of actual talking. It got to be so often that he ended up asking his boss to work his schedule around to allow himself some extra time to get to work. Dude was a fucking saint.
He tried to tell himself that the frequency of the calls was because calling was easy to do. It had to be easier than finding someone to hook up with that often... She'd need to have a harem or something. As long as she's still focused on working on their relationship, it shouldn't matter... right.
He sets the remote down on the nightstand. There wouldn't be anyone else to see it and it probably wouldn't be long before he got the chance to use it. So, there wasn't any point in putting it anywhere else.
When he didn't get a call at the regular time, he assumed he wasn't going to get one at all and just went through with his routine. He's in the middle of brushing his teeth when the call comes through. It was silly, but calls at strange hours always give him a little jolt and he doesn't waste any time going to answer it... toothbrush still sticking out of the corner of his mouth and dressed for bed.
"Albison." He pauses takes the brush out of his mouth. "Hi."
Tex had always been a strong, determined soldier. She had never allowed an injury to sideline her before. But after a situation in the field where her shoulder had been dislocated, they made the choice to send her home to recoup. She protested, of course, but it did no good. She needed two entire months of recovery time and physical therapy, and the military wanted her to get off her ship to do it.
The only good part about this was that she'd be coming home to Leonard. She'd been calling him pretty consistently during this deployment, between every day to every third day, and they'd had a lot of phone sex because of that. Even with her injury, having sex with him would be a nice reward for obeying and coming home.
When she arrived at the spaceport, she went to the baggage claim and waited for Leonard to come collect her. She had a feeling that to start with, he'd be questioning her about why she had changed her general strategy for deployment to starting to call him as often as she had—that had been their agreement, yes, but they hadn't yet addressed how much of a change that had been. So she sat down after collecting her bag—dragging it by the handle with her left hand on its little wheels—and waited for Leonard to arrive.
A month. He'd been prepared to wait for duration of her full deployment and she was already coming home. It would have felt like a reason the celebrate, if it weren't for the circumstance that brought Allison back. Still, he couldn't help but feel a little buoyed at the news of her return. He found himself feeling a lot of things actually.
Leonard watched the display as it counted down the time, occasionally shifting his weight from one foot to the other. More often than not he was running late, buried in work or his studies until he had to scramble to reach her in time. Not this time though. This time he was a bundle of nerves and energy and waiting. He wanted to see her; of course he did... there's some anxiety because she's injured. Nothing life threatening and she'd chastise him if he so much as hinted that he might fuss but still... and then there's the events of the past month... God where to even begin with that?
He tried not to dwell on it too much. It was supposed to be a good thing. It was a good thing. He loved talking to her, even if they didn't always do much actual talking. Not that he didn't love the rest of what they did together too. Because he absolutely did. But there was a part of him that couldn't help but dwell on just how often it was and what that implied. He's trying so hard not to let those thoughts get away from him.
The AI overseeing the spaceport cheerfully announced her incoming ship and he wandered over to join the crowd of people waiting to greet the arrivals. She wasn't among the first wave of departing passengers and it takes a moment for him to realize that she was probably expecting him to be late (again) and waiting patiently for the crowd to die down. Leonard weaved his way through the reuniting horde until he finally spotted her.
"Allison, hey." He smiles and waves as he separates himself from the crowd. And then he tries not to frown when he sees her arm. "How was the trip?"
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hexaflexagons2020-07-16 12:19 am
Post TFLN thread
Maybe it should.
When he opens the door, her arms are crossed, one hip jutting out, and she's gazing off to the side.
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When she knocks, he pauses for a moment before opening the door. He barely looks at her before leaving the door wide open and returning to his seat at the table and the beer waiting for him. It's his second, so he not drunk but god he almost wishes he were.
it wouldn't make this any easier, but he wouldn't feel it as sharply.
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"God, Leonard, really?"
Yup, really. She watches him sit down at the table, sighs with exasperation, and comes inside and shuts the door. She supposes he expects her to sit down across from him. Which is why she remains standing, leaning one hip against the edge of the table at the adjacent side from where he's sitting. Her arms are once again crossed.
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How many times had he done just that after she'd cheated on him? Well, not this time. She can stand there as haughty and disapproving as she wants... he honestly doesn't give a fuck if she sits down or not. He wants to sit because if he doesn't he's going to pace. As it is, his fingers are drumming against the bottle in front of him.
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"I guess I really went and fucked things up, huh?"
The words are quieter than she meant for them to be. She clears her throat and turns her head again.
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"I just..." He stops and takes another quick swig and swallows thickly. More to keep his voice from cracking and betraying him than because he's thirsty. "I just wish I knew why."
Not some bullshit excuse either. Because, it's always some excuse or another. He knows he's not a saint, he's an asshole when he gets a hair across his ass, but...
"I'm right here, thinking you're gone and... Why can't I be enough?"
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She uncrosses her arms, at least, sets one hand with her fingertips touching the tabletop. Her other hand goes unconsciously to her chest for a moment before she drops her hand.
"I want you to be. I do."
Why can't she settle for that? Why does the very idea scare the shit out of her? Why? Because being wanted like that means she has to stop being free?
"I just...I don't..."
She moves her hand over to touch his arm, lightly.
"It's like...one day I'll prove that I'm right that you shouldn't forgive me."
Sometimes a person makes an admission that they don't realize is so completely right and true until it comes out of their mouth, and it takes them by surprise. Take them so by surprise that even though a person like Tex doesn't ever, ever cry, her voice will quaver on the last word of the sentence like she's about to burst into tears.
She turns her back to the table, gripping its edge with both hands behind her, her head bowed slightly.
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"Do you want to be right? Because, I don't want you to be."
Truthfully, she'd come close to proving herself right, there were times it was so damned hard to forgive her. He didn't like the way his jealousy made him feel and act. Possessive, petty, heartsick... sometimes he wondered why he kept doing it. And then there were moments like this, where she let herself be vulnerable in ways that he knew she would never be with anyone else. These moments are the ones where he knows she loves him, more than saying any three words could. It's what gives him hope that things could change for the better.
"I've never expected you to be perfect, Allison. But... fuck it hurts sometimes." He sniffs and finishes off his beer.
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Stupid cat...
3 days later
On the third day, she kept her regular duty schedule, working out as needed and preparing to be sent into the field when ordered. Thankfully, her ship was not typically directly on the front lines, so she didn't have to try too hard. Just be ready.
That evening, at dinner, she took her tray to her usual spot and began to eat. She was not thinking too hard about anything, just drifting along with the socializing and the laughter, when someone pushed in to sit next to her. The tray was set down on the table, and then the man who she had been dreading seeing settled in beside her.
It was Harvey. Michael Harvey. Someone who, she knew, would be expecting certain things with her to be possible. They had an easy friends-with-benefits type relationship and Tex knew he was going to be disappointed when she told him about her new restrictions.
She didn't let on that anything unusual was happening until the others at their table left. That's when she dropped the bomb on him—no more make-out sessions, no more sex, and really, no more flirting at all, since she'd find it tempting. They needed to drop back to a general friendship.
Mike was a good guy, but he didn't like the news that he was losing a sexual partner. He left in an angry huff, leaving Tex hurt and angry herself. Unfortunately, having him sitting right beside her like that had led to her feeling horny, as well. He'd been pressed right next to her and had even draped a hand into her lap.
It was late when Texas decided to contact Leonard. Not too late for him, though, since their times were so disparate. If her calculations were right, it was actually just before work for him. Maybe he'd be able to take a little time off to talk to her.
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So, he was doing whatever he could to keep busy and not give himself too much time to dwell on the 'what ifs'. At this point it was out of his hands and he didn't gain anything by being paranoid and jealous. They both deserved better than that, but especially her.
The beeping of the incoming message sounds just as he's getting ready to head out the door. He had planned to swing by and grab a coffee that didn't taste like ass on his way to work, so he's tempted to ignore it. But then, he doesn't exactly get many calls from random strangers. Church rolls his eyes with a sigh and goes to take the call and tell them to call back at a better time.
"Look, I don't have a lot of... Allison? Hi!"
His face goes from vaguely annoyed to surprised to happy over a few seconds. The idea that she'd call him this early totally didn't occur to him. It just doesn't happen.
"Is everything okay?"
Not that he wanted to jump to something being wrong, but yeah. She never calls this soon.
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At his question, she lets out a little scoff.
"Of course it's okay," she says. "I'm just...doing what I said I would. You know."
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Of course he knows she enjoys sex... like, a lot. Obviously, he's totally cool with that. And yeah, he knows she's not exactly faithful and obviously, he's far less cool with that. But yeah, he tries not to think about the frequency.
"Soo... how can I help?" A faint smirk pulls at one corner of his mouth. They hadn't actually planned things out that far. That might have been an oversight on his part.
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Something they haven't really done before. She hasn't called for that purpose before. She always just finds a friend-with-benefits to shag. She reaches down and fidgets, pulling threads on the blanket.
"And if you don't mean it I guess I don't know why else you asked me to call."
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He catches himself before he says something bitchy and defensive. She's keeping her word and that means so much more to him.
"It's just that we've never done this before."
Or ever for him. But he really wants to find a way for this to work for them.
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But she moves up on the bed, against her pillow.
"I'm going to take off my pants, one sec."
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He didn't have any specific plans beyond that. He's definitely not going to complain.
"I'm happy with whatever will help most."
Who needs coffee...
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1 week later
She's had her struggles, of course. Michael Harvey had still kept himself available, which made it hard for her to ignore his advances. But on this day, she'd managed to make the arrangements to have the item they'd discussed smuggled onto the ship, and it had arrived swiftly. She found the package under her bed, just as she had arranged for, and made the rounds to pay everyone who'd helped her a tip of alcohol. She'd paid for the item and the courier service up front, of course, with money, but it was always good to keep your helpers happy.
The schedule on her ship was still such that when it was bedtime for her, it was morning for Church, which meant that if she wanted to catch him on his way to bed, she had to call around lunchtime. This was fine with her. She entered her barracks instead of going to eat, locked the door, and took off her pants before dialing him up. It had only been a day since her last call, but she knew that'd be fine with him, considering what they were about to do. Hopefully he had received the portion of the toy she had had shipped to his house by now—the portion that controlled her side of things.
Re: 1 week later
He tried to tell himself that the frequency of the calls was because calling was easy to do. It had to be easier than finding someone to hook up with that often... She'd need to have a harem or something. As long as she's still focused on working on their relationship, it shouldn't matter... right.
He sets the remote down on the nightstand. There wouldn't be anyone else to see it and it probably wouldn't be long before he got the chance to use it. So, there wasn't any point in putting it anywhere else.
When he didn't get a call at the regular time, he assumed he wasn't going to get one at all and just went through with his routine. He's in the middle of brushing his teeth when the call comes through. It was silly, but calls at strange hours always give him a little jolt and he doesn't waste any time going to answer it... toothbrush still sticking out of the corner of his mouth and dressed for bed.
"Albison." He pauses takes the brush out of his mouth. "Hi."
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"I didn't expect it to have so many settings to play with." He holds it out for her to see with a sly smile.
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"Listen, it's me. I got the top of the line."
Did he expect anything less? It's her vagina he'd be messing with, after all.
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Not that he wasn't saying he didn't understand how it works, what's the point of having a genius boyfriend if he couldn't figure out a dildo...
"I guess if you're going to make something to get a girl off, go big."
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"Exactly."
She picks the dildo up and shows him on screen.
"I figure you can make sense out of those buttons. There's clit controls and vagina controls both."
With that, it's time to insert, which she does...making sure Church has a good angle and view of the process.
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after another month
The only good part about this was that she'd be coming home to Leonard. She'd been calling him pretty consistently during this deployment, between every day to every third day, and they'd had a lot of phone sex because of that. Even with her injury, having sex with him would be a nice reward for obeying and coming home.
When she arrived at the spaceport, she went to the baggage claim and waited for Leonard to come collect her. She had a feeling that to start with, he'd be questioning her about why she had changed her general strategy for deployment to starting to call him as often as she had—that had been their agreement, yes, but they hadn't yet addressed how much of a change that had been. So she sat down after collecting her bag—dragging it by the handle with her left hand on its little wheels—and waited for Leonard to arrive.
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Leonard watched the display as it counted down the time, occasionally shifting his weight from one foot to the other. More often than not he was running late, buried in work or his studies until he had to scramble to reach her in time. Not this time though. This time he was a bundle of nerves and energy and waiting. He wanted to see her; of course he did... there's some anxiety because she's injured. Nothing life threatening and she'd chastise him if he so much as hinted that he might fuss but still... and then there's the events of the past month... God where to even begin with that?
He tried not to dwell on it too much. It was supposed to be a good thing. It was a good thing. He loved talking to her, even if they didn't always do much actual talking. Not that he didn't love the rest of what they did together too. Because he absolutely did. But there was a part of him that couldn't help but dwell on just how often it was and what that implied. He's trying so hard not to let those thoughts get away from him.
The AI overseeing the spaceport cheerfully announced her incoming ship and he wandered over to join the crowd of people waiting to greet the arrivals. She wasn't among the first wave of departing passengers and it takes a moment for him to realize that she was probably expecting him to be late (again) and waiting patiently for the crowd to die down. Leonard weaved his way through the reuniting horde until he finally spotted her.
"Allison, hey." He smiles and waves as he separates himself from the crowd. And then he tries not to frown when he sees her arm. "How was the trip?"