"Yeah," she says. "The usual deployment schedule."
So help her if he asks her to defect, or something. They need more time to heal this, she knows, but he should also know that her career is important to her.
As if he would. He's under no delusions about which she would choose between her duty and himself. And he wouldn't want to force her into making it regardless.
"Which means, and yes I'm being an asshole, but honestly... I need to know you'll think about me, about us before you..."
He doesn't want to finish that thought. It feels terrible just saying that part he did. God he fucking hates saying shit like this, like it's inevitable that she's going to want to cheat on him. Like he's a jealous prick. But what else can he think right now?
"You need to know?" she asks, in a tone slightly tinged with defensiveness. That barely comes through, though, since she's just barely avoided crying. What does he expect her to do? Keep his picture stapled to her forehead?
"Can you blame me?!" He can't keep his own tinge of hurt and irritation from his voice.
"Christ Tex, it's not like I want you to check in with me whenever you do anything!" He paced over to the fridge to get another drink. "I just want to you to actually stop and really think about US before you sleep around!"
He snatched two beers up before slamming the fridge door shut. He can't look at her, but takes a few breaths to calm down. When he returns, he holds out one of the beers to her.
It's not quite a peace offering, not quite a demonstration that he cares, but something vaguely in between.
She takes it, turning it in her hands contemplatively.
"I'll try," she says quietly. The thing is she didn't mean to not think of their relationship before something happened—it just kind of slipped her mind and she didn't try very hard to bring it back to the forefront. "I can only try."
"Because it's worked so well in the past." He grumbles bitterly. She's insisted she'd try before and he knows he can't ask anything more, but it's hard to not think of 'trying' as an empty promise. His shoulders slump and he sighs.
"I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm tired." Between long hours split between work and classes and now this, he's physically and emotionally drained. He's always a special brand of asshole when he's like this... bitchy and cynical.
"I know you'll try, Allison. And I know it's not always going to be easy."
She nods, cracking the beer on the edge of the table and taking a drink. She pauses after swallowing it down. Church is looking at her and she drinks in the look of him, those green eyes, so pleading and so disappointed.
"I want to do right by you," she says. It's almost a whisper and she clears her throat. "I need to come up with...some way..."
"Hey," He reaches out to take her free hand in his. That was all the reassurance he needed right now to know she truly meant it this time. They're not quite magic words but it does lift some of the weight off of him.
"We'll figure something out." Both of them, as a team. She's always so hellbent on doing everything on her own... except for when she's out doing the soldier bit. "Even if it's something stupid... like messaging me when you're horny or whatever."
Which sounds kind of dumb and the exact sort of intrusive that she hates, now that he's said it. "Or, something."
Tex lets him take her hand, folding her fingers into his and drawing herself a little closer to him.
"Messaging you every time I'm horny?" she says, skeptically. "You mean whenever something would happen otherwise." It's an accusation, but it also...kind of makes sense. Which she hates.
"Or something. I didn't say it was a good idea. It was the first thing that came to mind." Look if wants a genius answer, she's going to have to wait. He doesn't exactly think his best thoughts when he's caught up in lots of feelings. Usually they're more of the 'epically idiotic' variety.
Still, he smiles warmly, encouraged by her hand in his. The fact she didn't outright reject the idea doesn't hurt either.
"But, it might help to actually talk about stuff. It doesn't have to be 'sex addict intervention' or anything like that." He tries to keep his tone lighter. He's mostly teasing with the 'sex addict' bit.
What she did still hurts, he doubts it'll stop hurting anytime soon. But it's also not an unfamiliar sort of pain and he's genuinely encouraged by her being honest with him. And he's a giant lovesick idiot who desperately wants things to work out. So...
"If it gets me another chance to talk to you? It's better than gold."
She lets out a little chuckle. She normally only calls once or twice a week. This is going to get him a lot more contact with her. She doesn't think he knows just how much this promise will change things, as far as that goes.
He has no idea. Not a clue. Maybe she'll call him a couple extra times during the month?
He's generally able to lose himself in his work and studies to a certain degree when she's gone. It's not that he becomes completely disinterested, just distracted enough that his temptations are rare and easier to push away. He stays busy to avoid getting busy, so to speak.
She sets her beer on the table and reaches to wrap her arms around him. She doesn't deserve his forgiveness, she knows, but she'll take it. She will take it.
She's not entirely forgiven, not yet. It's difficult because he wants to forgive her and put this behind them but... well, the next months will go a long way towards fixing things. He closes his eyes tightly as he holds her and fights to keep his breathing calm and steady. He's done a really good job of keeping his shit together.
"I know you don't necessarily want to hear it. But I do love you Allison." He says it softly, without any expectation of her response. After all, he's the mushy emotional one, not her.
Her reaction is subtle and probably expected—she stiffens slightly, her abdomen going tight, and she draws in a breath. Not as sharp a breath as she took the first time he did this to her, but it is noticeable, and she knows it. She leans in against his shoulder and takes a couple deep breaths.
She kind of forgets until she does that how good she thinks he smells. It's a sense memory that causes her to close her eyes and set her head down against him all the way.
"Me, too," she mutters after another pause, practically a whisper. That's the closest he's gotten to her saying those three words in a good long while. She opens her eyes then, looking at his neck. She hates how it makes her feel to admit it, but at the same time it's nice to know it makes him feel good to hear it.
He knows it bothers her, which is why he doesn't say it often. But this feels like an appropriate time. Maybe someday the idea of being loved by him won't make her want to flinch. Clearly today isn't that day.
She does relax a lot faster this time. That's progress, right? It seems like progress.
"You don't have to say that." He'd rather she didn't if she was only doing it to make him feel better.
He can't say anything in response to that. Instead he squeezes his eyes shut and holds her closer, lightly pressing his cheek to her head.
All he can do is hold her. Eventually, reality has to interrupt. "You probably have to go back soon." His quiet voice is one of acceptance rather than disappointment.
Acknowledging that does not mean she's going to move quite yet. Giving a farewell this time seems like it's going to be different and she doesn't want to quite yet.
He's more than happy to keep holding her until she's ready. She's so rarely willing to just hold and be held by him, that he wants to make the most of it. He just soaks it in for a while before speaking up again.
"I can take you back if you like... you know, so you don't have to wait for a ride." So they can squeeze in a few more moments if she wants.
There's a moment of almost painful awkwardness when she pulls away. Part of him wants to do something at least vaguely comforting, but he knows that wouldn't go over well. So he figures the best thing to do is to give her some space so she can keep her dignity or something. "I uh, I gotta take a piss before we go."
He let's her have some privacy while he deals with the consequences of downing a few beers.
"Go, then," she says, not turning towards him. She's busy with this nose-blowing business.
While he's gone she throws the tissue away and washes her hands. Then she stays hovering near the door, considering the consequences of what she'd done and how the future would look now.
When she hears the toilet flush and he returns, she finally turns to face him.
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hexaflexagons2020-07-16 12:19 am
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So help her if he asks her to defect, or something. They need more time to heal this, she knows, but he should also know that her career is important to her.
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"Which means, and yes I'm being an asshole, but honestly... I need to know you'll think about me, about us before you..."
He doesn't want to finish that thought. It feels terrible just saying that part he did. God he fucking hates saying shit like this, like it's inevitable that she's going to want to cheat on him. Like he's a jealous prick. But what else can he think right now?
He is jealous.
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"Christ Tex, it's not like I want you to check in with me whenever you do anything!" He paced over to the fridge to get another drink. "I just want to you to actually stop and really think about US before you sleep around!"
He snatched two beers up before slamming the fridge door shut. He can't look at her, but takes a few breaths to calm down. When he returns, he holds out one of the beers to her.
It's not quite a peace offering, not quite a demonstration that he cares, but something vaguely in between.
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"I'll try," she says quietly. The thing is she didn't mean to not think of their relationship before something happened—it just kind of slipped her mind and she didn't try very hard to bring it back to the forefront. "I can only try."
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"I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm tired."
Between long hours split between work and classes and now this, he's physically and emotionally drained. He's always a special brand of asshole when he's like this... bitchy and cynical.
"I know you'll try, Allison. And I know it's not always going to be easy."
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"I want to do right by you," she says. It's almost a whisper and she clears her throat. "I need to come up with...some way..."
She looks away, down and to the side.
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"We'll figure something out." Both of them, as a team. She's always so hellbent on doing everything on her own... except for when she's out doing the soldier bit. "Even if it's something stupid... like messaging me when you're horny or whatever."
Which sounds kind of dumb and the exact sort of intrusive that she hates, now that he's said it. "Or, something."
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"Messaging you every time I'm horny?" she says, skeptically. "You mean whenever something would happen otherwise." It's an accusation, but it also...kind of makes sense. Which she hates.
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Still, he smiles warmly, encouraged by her hand in his. The fact she didn't outright reject the idea doesn't hurt either.
"But, it might help to actually talk about stuff. It doesn't have to be 'sex addict intervention' or anything like that." He tries to keep his tone lighter. He's mostly teasing with the 'sex addict' bit.
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"You really think you've hit gold, don't you?" she teases. "All right. When I'm really, really tempted...I'll call you."
It's actually more than what he's asking for, but maybe it's the right way to go with this.
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"If it gets me another chance to talk to you? It's better than gold."
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"You mean that?"
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He has no idea. Not a clue. Maybe she'll call him a couple extra times during the month?
He's generally able to lose himself in his work and studies to a certain degree when she's gone. It's not that he becomes completely disinterested, just distracted enough that his temptations are rare and easier to push away. He stays busy to avoid getting busy, so to speak.
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"I know you don't necessarily want to hear it. But I do love you Allison." He says it softly, without any expectation of her response. After all, he's the mushy emotional one, not her.
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She kind of forgets until she does that how good she thinks he smells. It's a sense memory that causes her to close her eyes and set her head down against him all the way.
"Me, too," she mutters after another pause, practically a whisper. That's the closest he's gotten to her saying those three words in a good long while. She opens her eyes then, looking at his neck. She hates how it makes her feel to admit it, but at the same time it's nice to know it makes him feel good to hear it.
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She does relax a lot faster this time. That's progress, right? It seems like progress.
"You don't have to say that." He'd rather she didn't if she was only doing it to make him feel better.
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All he can do is hold her. Eventually, reality has to interrupt. "You probably have to go back soon." His quiet voice is one of acceptance rather than disappointment.
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Acknowledging that does not mean she's going to move quite yet. Giving a farewell this time seems like it's going to be different and she doesn't want to quite yet.
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"I can take you back if you like... you know, so you don't have to wait for a ride." So they can squeeze in a few more moments if she wants.
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He let's her have some privacy while he deals with the consequences of downing a few beers.
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While he's gone she throws the tissue away and washes her hands. Then she stays hovering near the door, considering the consequences of what she'd done and how the future would look now.
When she hears the toilet flush and he returns, she finally turns to face him.
"Do I need to drive?"
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Stupid cat...