[psl] p90 twin resolution

[ownperson]

Back when getting home still felt like a distant dream, she thought she'd leave.

She thought she'd hop on the first ship out of there, put distance between her and the other Freelancers. She'd caused them all more harm than she'd done good and really, why would they want her around? They hadn't ever really been friends, not even in the earliest days of the Project when she hadn't gone off the fucking rails, so who would care if she bailed? Wouldn't it be better for her and for them (wouldn't it save North the trouble of trying to forgive her every day when she knew it was an exercise in futility?) if she just— bailed, found a home on the first distant colony her feet touched down on?

But then Wash and Carolina... asked her to stay.

Not just stay, join them on Blue Team. She didn't get it. She didn't understand why they'd offer her that kind of fucking second chance, but— well, apparently that was a trend? Hell, maybe not feeling like you deserved it was a fucking condition of being taken in! All she knew was that she went from feeling like she had nowhere to fucking go, to suddenly having an offer she couldn't find it in her to refuse, and that became her life. Living with fucking simulation troopers and a few ex-freelancers, playing capture the flag and dealing with the daily nonsense and...

It isn't... bad? It's just... weird. It's like nothing she's ever experienced before. Nothing like Freelancer, nothing like the marines, nothing like her youth. The sim troopers, all assholes themselves, push back against her bullshit with a scary kind of ease and they don't really give a fuck what she's done—apparently, not terrorizing them specifically kinda goes in her favour—and turns out it's really hard to sit and mope when you're living surrounded by that kind of chaos.

(Not that she doesn't have her moments, but give her a break, she's got some self-hatred to work through, okay?)

So things are... okay. Better than she expected, really. In a strange sort of way she's... got a life, a life of her own, and it's not exactly what she imagined for herself, but it works out. Everything works out.

Except for the gaping, empty space in her life where her brother used to be, always there even when she's not actively thinking about it.

He keeps his word and so he keeps his distance. She doesn't expect that to change. She doesn't expect him to forgive her, no matter how much time he gives himself. There are lines that can never be un-crossed and she leapt so far over them it'd be impressive if it wasn't so goddamned terrible. So she tries not to think about him, sticks to her side of the bargain and gives him space. Only gets her updates on how he's doing from York, and they're doing alright. He's doing alright.

But fuck if she doesn't miss him.

Comments

[ownperson]

"You mean besides just existing?" She snickers, props her head up on her hand, elbow in the back of the sofa. "They don't get half as intimidated by Wash as they do us, like, ever. But we may go a bit hard during capture the flag. Sometimes."

Neither of them are women inclined to holding back or slowing down, like, in general. There's was definitely an early 'oh god, there's two of them'.

[bothbarrels]

"Sometimes."

He snickers.

"I'd say remind me not to get on your bad side but I doubt I'll end up participating at all."

[ownperson]

South grins. "Don't be so sure, you stick around more than a day or two and they might try and drag you in on their side to 'even the odds'."

Somehow it's her own words that make something pang in her chest, rather than the 'bad side' comment that would have hit differently not long ago. She doesn't know how long he's planning to stay and is almost scared to ask.

[bothbarrels]

"They get me and York, both, in that case."

Not denying anything about staying. He himself has no idea.

[ownperson]

"We will still absolutely kick your asses if they do. For the record."

She chews the inside of her cheek, then shifts a bit. Now Tucker and Grif aren't being nosey she just... moves to settle with her head on his shoulder, tucked up against his side.

[bothbarrels]

He glances at her, giving a soft snicker.

"Are the sim troopers an asset or a liability, when it comes to wargames?"

[ownperson]

"Depends on the day. Tucker's actually not a bad soldier, just don't let him know I said that, and Caboose can be... well, you just have to know how to work with him. But sometimes they're just..."

She gestures vaguely.

"Also Sarge's batshit plans sometimes work? Those are scary days." She's joking, but also, seriously.

[bothbarrels]

He gives a gesture of pointing toward the door where the sim troopers had appeared, then back at her.

"The guy who wanted to fuck your ass was Tucker, wasn't he?"

[ownperson]

"Why did you have to say it like that, you fucker," she snort laughs and punches him in the chest, not too hard but not light, "but, yeah, same chaotic dipshit from the rig. Being home free has only made him more so, actually."

[bothbarrels]

"Because I knew it was going to make you feel like groaning," he says. "And I thought so. Weird. Hasn't he learned you're a lesbian? Or does that make it worse?"

[ownperson]

She rolls her eyes dramatically, "Right, stupid question." And an obvious answer that makes her happy anyway because fuck she's missed stupid banter like that. "He knows, he just can't let an opening go by, I don't really care. I mean, I totally threatened to kick his ass at first, but by now..."

She shrugs. If it made her genuinely uncomfortable, she would have made sure he stopped. That's for damn sure.

"I do rub it in his face I've definitely fucked more girls than him though. Whenever relevant."

[bothbarrels]

North snickers, reaching over to ruffle her hair. "I'm sure he appreciates that."

"So how did you all end up on this planet?" He's never heard of Chorus.

[ownperson]

She grins at him as he ruffles her hair. Tucks herself up closer.

"This is the place Wash, Lina and the others got caught up in some fuckin— civil war bullshit, Charon Industries, all that. They know people here. Like, 'friends with the President of the colony' levels of know people."

[bothbarrels]

"Charon Industries?" That sounds familiar and he doesn't know why.

[ownperson]

"Apparently the company behind the people we were actually fighting during the Project, all that bullshit. Really upgraded their level of bullshit since then I guess, wanted to wipe the whole population out or something horrible like that."

How crazy shit got after they all originally died is still kinda wild to wrap her head around.

[bothbarrels]

He snaps his fingers.

"That's it, I saw it written on the oil platform when we went on that stealth mission."

He frowns.

"Genocide? Against humans?"

[ownperson]

"Yeeep. Who needs aliens to do it when sometimes other humans suck just as fuckin' much, huh? Something about the alien tech shit here or... something."

Eloquent and clearly having fully absorbed all the information she's given, as always.

[bothbarrels]

"It was about money," he infers. It always seems to be.

At that moment, there's a rap at the door, and then York slips in the base.

"Sorry, I just wanted to make sure you two were doing okay."

[ownperson]

South shuffles around so she's tucked more with her back against North's side to look at York, raising a hand to wave at him and flash him a grin. Bright and genuinely happy. No arguing and no upset here.

"Hey asshole. Don't worry, only thing you're interrupting is a Chorus history lesson."

[bothbarrels]

York grins, approaching them.

"Looks like things got sorted."

"Yes," North says, reaching a hand to take one of York's when he gets over to the couch.

"Told ya' it'd be good."

"You did," North says.

[ownperson]

"Am I really watching you get 'I told you so'd in real time? Man, usually it's me getting that." She jabs him with her elbow and snickers a little, then at York, "Did you have to pester him, or something? Has he been holding out on me?"

It's joking. There's a time in the past she might've been actually hurt or annoyed by the idea, but the her in the here and now knows how... messy, this was, for both of them. She's sure she'd have needed some kind of push, if it were the other way around. And she's just happy he's here at all. That he's here and he means it.

[bothbarrels]

The two men look at each other and North glances back at South.

"It was just...complicated."

"Lots of talks," York says. "That's all."

[ownperson]

"I know, I know, I'm messing with you," it's her turn to ruffle North's hair now, even if she has to contort a bit from the position she's in. "You two would not believe the amount of times I've talked to Wash and 'Lina about like... this better person shit. How to keep going."

There were rough times, early on. Having the other two around has been invaluable, really.

[bothbarrels]

"I missed you," North says plainly. "And..."

York squeezes his hand. "Go ahead."

North shrugs. "Don't need to go into all of it."

[ownperson]

"Oh, no, you said the 'and', we're going into it. No more like, not talking about things. That's how we got into this mess in the first place." She shifts around so she's more facing him again, still close but able to look at him without craning her neck. "...and I missed you too. Every day."