[psl] p90 twin resolution

[ownperson]

Back when getting home still felt like a distant dream, she thought she'd leave.

She thought she'd hop on the first ship out of there, put distance between her and the other Freelancers. She'd caused them all more harm than she'd done good and really, why would they want her around? They hadn't ever really been friends, not even in the earliest days of the Project when she hadn't gone off the fucking rails, so who would care if she bailed? Wouldn't it be better for her and for them (wouldn't it save North the trouble of trying to forgive her every day when she knew it was an exercise in futility?) if she just— bailed, found a home on the first distant colony her feet touched down on?

But then Wash and Carolina... asked her to stay.

Not just stay, join them on Blue Team. She didn't get it. She didn't understand why they'd offer her that kind of fucking second chance, but— well, apparently that was a trend? Hell, maybe not feeling like you deserved it was a fucking condition of being taken in! All she knew was that she went from feeling like she had nowhere to fucking go, to suddenly having an offer she couldn't find it in her to refuse, and that became her life. Living with fucking simulation troopers and a few ex-freelancers, playing capture the flag and dealing with the daily nonsense and...

It isn't... bad? It's just... weird. It's like nothing she's ever experienced before. Nothing like Freelancer, nothing like the marines, nothing like her youth. The sim troopers, all assholes themselves, push back against her bullshit with a scary kind of ease and they don't really give a fuck what she's done—apparently, not terrorizing them specifically kinda goes in her favour—and turns out it's really hard to sit and mope when you're living surrounded by that kind of chaos.

(Not that she doesn't have her moments, but give her a break, she's got some self-hatred to work through, okay?)

So things are... okay. Better than she expected, really. In a strange sort of way she's... got a life, a life of her own, and it's not exactly what she imagined for herself, but it works out. Everything works out.

Except for the gaping, empty space in her life where her brother used to be, always there even when she's not actively thinking about it.

He keeps his word and so he keeps his distance. She doesn't expect that to change. She doesn't expect him to forgive her, no matter how much time he gives himself. There are lines that can never be un-crossed and she leapt so far over them it'd be impressive if it wasn't so goddamned terrible. So she tries not to think about him, sticks to her side of the bargain and gives him space. Only gets her updates on how he's doing from York, and they're doing alright. He's doing alright.

But fuck if she doesn't miss him.

Comments

[bothbarrels]

North starts to tear up. It's a nice change, being able to be close to her like this. Being in her presence at all.

"Whoa," says a voice, in the middle of all that. "I'd wonder where this was going except that the two of you look alike."

"Gross," said another voice, much more diffident and bored-sounding. "I thought you knew better than to make comments like that about siblings."

North's eyebrow quirks, despite the fact that he's on the verge of weeping while hugging his sister.

[ownperson]

South makes a dramatic noise of well-worn annoyance and though she doesn’t want to let go even a little, even for a second, she lifts her head enough to look over at the new arrivals and give Tucker the kind of look that could kill.

It’s a little undermined by the tears in her eyes, but still.

“Tucker. I will fucking strike you down where you stand, you little shit, there is no way you’ve forgotten I have a fucking twin.”

It’s probably no surprise she can muster the words to tell Tucker off easier than she can muster anything to say to North, annoyance still comes easier than vulnerability, if by a smaller margin these days. That and you live with the Reds and Blues long enough and having responses to nonsense pre-loaded is pretty much a requirement.

[bothbarrels]

"I don't!" Tucker tells Grif. "And of course I didn't, South, what do I look like, an idiot?"

"Yes," says Grif.

"Oh, shut up."

North lets South slowly go so he can sit back against the couch and look at the fellows who have come in. The black man is shorter, and the other guy seems to have some kind of vitiligo and is fatter.

"We're just having a heartfelt reunion, nothing to see here," he says.

[ownperson]

"One, Grif's right, you always look like an idiot, 'cus you are one. Two, I haven't hugged this asshole in the longest fucking time, you make it weird and I will have no choice but to kick your ass."

She's reluctant to let North let her go, but she does. Shifts to sit a little closer than she was, though, pulling her legs up onto the couch so her knees are sort of crowded up against his legs.

"Three, what he said," she pushes North's head lightly, "nothing fun to see here. If you wanna be useful you can tell Lina and Wash we've got visitors. You wanna keep being a pain in the ass, well, I guess don't go anywhere."

[bothbarrels]

"I'm always up for being a pain in your ass," Tucker says.

"What?" Grif says. "Was that supposed to be sexual?"

"Yeah, because you know...in her ass..." Tucker trails off.

North snorts.

"If it's a pain you're doing it wrong," he volunteers.

[ownperson]

South groans dramatically, elbowing North in the side. "Oh god, don't encourage him. Though, c'mon, Tucker, that was weak even by your standards. Up your game, dude, come on."

She's clearly just used to this by now. He probably got more shouting and threats when she was settling in, but at this point, Tucker's... Tucker.

"I know that!" Tucker directs at North with that kind of tone where you can't quite tell if he's offended because he really did, or is covering his ass. Then, at South, "Hey, a guy's gotta work with the opening's he's given."

A beat. Tucker's mouth opens to say something else before South just firmly goes: "Don't even think about it."

[bothbarrels]

"Come on, dude," Grif says, grabbing Tucker by the collar and dragging him out. "Even I can see we're interrupting a touching moment."

North snickers and shakes his head.

"Sim troopers, huh?"

[ownperson]

"Sim troopers. Like I said, never a dull moment," there's equal parts annoyance and actual affection there, she has come to enjoy being around these dumbasses. "I guaran-fucking-tee they don't go tell the others fuck shit."

She shakes her head and just turns to focus on North again; the tears have gone after the interruption, but there's still relief in her eyes.

[bothbarrels]

"I guess that's...good?"

He guesses it's good.

[ownperson]

"It's good," she confirms with a nod. "It's... it's been good here. I'm glad I took 'Lina and Wash up on it. Didn't know if it'd work out, but..."

It has. She's settled in alright, in the end.

"They're fun. It's fun. Me and Lina terrify them sometimes, I think. It's hilarious."

[bothbarrels]

"How so?"

[ownperson]

"You mean besides just existing?" She snickers, props her head up on her hand, elbow in the back of the sofa. "They don't get half as intimidated by Wash as they do us, like, ever. But we may go a bit hard during capture the flag. Sometimes."

Neither of them are women inclined to holding back or slowing down, like, in general. There's was definitely an early 'oh god, there's two of them'.

[bothbarrels]

"Sometimes."

He snickers.

"I'd say remind me not to get on your bad side but I doubt I'll end up participating at all."

[ownperson]

South grins. "Don't be so sure, you stick around more than a day or two and they might try and drag you in on their side to 'even the odds'."

Somehow it's her own words that make something pang in her chest, rather than the 'bad side' comment that would have hit differently not long ago. She doesn't know how long he's planning to stay and is almost scared to ask.

[bothbarrels]

"They get me and York, both, in that case."

Not denying anything about staying. He himself has no idea.

[ownperson]

"We will still absolutely kick your asses if they do. For the record."

She chews the inside of her cheek, then shifts a bit. Now Tucker and Grif aren't being nosey she just... moves to settle with her head on his shoulder, tucked up against his side.

[bothbarrels]

He glances at her, giving a soft snicker.

"Are the sim troopers an asset or a liability, when it comes to wargames?"

[ownperson]

"Depends on the day. Tucker's actually not a bad soldier, just don't let him know I said that, and Caboose can be... well, you just have to know how to work with him. But sometimes they're just..."

She gestures vaguely.

"Also Sarge's batshit plans sometimes work? Those are scary days." She's joking, but also, seriously.

[bothbarrels]

He gives a gesture of pointing toward the door where the sim troopers had appeared, then back at her.

"The guy who wanted to fuck your ass was Tucker, wasn't he?"

[ownperson]

"Why did you have to say it like that, you fucker," she snort laughs and punches him in the chest, not too hard but not light, "but, yeah, same chaotic dipshit from the rig. Being home free has only made him more so, actually."

[bothbarrels]

"Because I knew it was going to make you feel like groaning," he says. "And I thought so. Weird. Hasn't he learned you're a lesbian? Or does that make it worse?"

[ownperson]

She rolls her eyes dramatically, "Right, stupid question." And an obvious answer that makes her happy anyway because fuck she's missed stupid banter like that. "He knows, he just can't let an opening go by, I don't really care. I mean, I totally threatened to kick his ass at first, but by now..."

She shrugs. If it made her genuinely uncomfortable, she would have made sure he stopped. That's for damn sure.

"I do rub it in his face I've definitely fucked more girls than him though. Whenever relevant."

[bothbarrels]

North snickers, reaching over to ruffle her hair. "I'm sure he appreciates that."

"So how did you all end up on this planet?" He's never heard of Chorus.

[ownperson]

She grins at him as he ruffles her hair. Tucks herself up closer.

"This is the place Wash, Lina and the others got caught up in some fuckin— civil war bullshit, Charon Industries, all that. They know people here. Like, 'friends with the President of the colony' levels of know people."

[bothbarrels]

"Charon Industries?" That sounds familiar and he doesn't know why.